it's sooo....predictable

" It's soooo....predictable! "

All this time, I keep delaying my timeless desire to study abroad and stop trying to pursue some scholarships opportunity, just because some undecided decision that I barely could take. Decision to choose between career or family (though since 2001 - the first time I submitted the application to British Council - until now, there's STILL noone walking me down the isle!), decision to earn and save money first before invest to education, or even decision to choose which subject is the most suitable with my skills and idealism.

For a long time, I've been describing myself as someone who has so many interests, has so many dreams, has so many plans, but in contrary, I also have lack of confidence, worry too much, confused too much, and sometimes don't want to leave my comfort zone. I'm also worried with my so-so academic grade. I'm worried with my English skills. I'm worried if I chose the wrong major because I couldn't decide whether to choose my interest/skills or idealism for my future. I'm also worried if pursuing study will set me aside from marriage and have family, in the other hand, time can't stop me to grow old. I'm also worried that choosing study than find a guy to marry, will cause more sadness to my parents.

Yet, I'm also soo...worried if I left behind when everyone has reached their dreams and live at satisfaction. I'm worried if I stood helplessly unskilled and unprepared when foreign workers occupying the remained decent jobs because of the free market. I'm worried if I would't have properly knowledge or worldy mind to contribute to the civilization. I'm worried I'd raise my children without dignity because I couldn't provide a better living, a better education, and a better option. I'm also worried if I never had a chance to do what I want to do when I'm already no longer single, and couldn't fill my adventurous mind and the need of accomplishment and life long education.

Blah-blah-blah. Why on earth I keep telling people a pathetic-shameful-desperate news such like this over and over again?? Never change, never learn. And you're getting older without even realized!

Despite I'm a big dreamer, I'm also a terrible dreamer!

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FYI, and to break the inconsistency of myself, today, I'm going to Aminef in Gunung Sahari. Going to attend their weekly pre-admission and apply for membership. I've got a 'enlightment' to take Media Studies/Documentary. I don't know if this would be a temporary choise or not. Not a big deal, but better to try than not!

It's time to get out of the sactuary...and joyriding the world!

Yeeeehhaa!!!

Dentist entry

" Going to dentist is a small step to conquer the world! ;) "

Visiting Dentist is somewhat an addictive task to me as I used to go since a little kid. I have a sensitive gums that bleeding quite often. I’m scared, but to see it has to be done before getting worst, then I try to feel the pain. So it became an accomplishment to my own self everytime I made it, I feel like I won a victory.

Just to know that I don’t run away and bravely face the pain and the bad situation, make me proud of myself. So, it’s like a challenging task to me. However, be brave, you’d see it’s not that bad after all. Just get busy to think something else, and don’t let your fear taking part of your mind.

See more progress on: Fix my teeth

43 things

I am doing 43 things.

" Keluhan ngga penting "

Duuuhhhh......masih di minggu ke-dua, tapi dompet udah tongpes bangeedd...:((
Muter otak gimana caranya dapet duit lebih...duuh...A/C mobil pake jebol lagi...belom ganti oli dan tetek bengek lain....belom shutter camera A80 yang macet, mesti direparasi. Duuhhh....Padahal mesti nabung cepet buat liburan ke Bali November nanti, juga keniatan pengin beli DSLR.

Kerjaan kantor juga ngga beres-beres, malah nambah numpuk di belakang hari....bahan mentah buat dua episode belum terkumpul banyak, skript belum jadi, sedangkan jam deadline udah kayak kereta api ngejarnya. Udah ngga ada stock episode lagi, jadi mesti kerja rodi lebih kerasss....eeerrghhh....pusiiinggg......

Kabar baiknya 'cuma', seminggu ini pindah ke rumah yang udah selesai direnovasi. Meski belum bisa nyobain kamar baru karena gak dapet jatah tempat tidur, seminggu ini sibuk pindah sana-pindah sini, geser sana-geser sini, angkut sana-angkut sini. Gak papa, dapet suasana baru.

Gue kesampaian juga ikut hunting ke Museum Fatahillah sabtu kemarin, bareng Hendro dan teman-2nya dari Indosat M2. Gue juga akhirnya bisa beli domain idaman dan nambah space mermaidslife yang ternyata udah over load 59 MB. Tinggal sekarang mikir keras untuk content dan designnya. Hmmm....

Apalagi yah? So-so kayaknya, belum ada yang menarik lagi, kecuali dapet beberapa kenalan baru yang lumayan asik kayaknya. Tau ah. Lagi gak jelas.

Pulang ah...