Tiredness

Tiredness

bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

aku ingin pulang ke rumah-Mu, Tuhan
membawa beban dosa yang mengikat kaki
dan mengendap dalam dadaku
kan kutunggu Kau bukakan pintu, Tuhan
meskipun Kau tak sudi menerimaku

aku lelah Tuhan
membawa dosaku yang membatu
bukakan pintu untukku, Tuhan
dan jangan biarkan aku menyelinap pergi
kunci aku dalam rumah-Mu
dan selamatkan aku dari siksaan ini

lumatkan sampah busuk dalam hatiku, Tuhan
yang menenggelamkanku dalam kehinaan
nafasku telah habis, airmata pun tlah mengering
aku tak mampu menolong diriku, oh Tuhan
hentikan aku, sucikan aku,
sehingga aku pantas berada di dekat-Mu

tolong bukakan saja pintu untukku, Tuhan
dan aku tak akan pergi lagi

amien...

A Way Out

A Way Out

It's been a month since I wrote my last post. There was a big battle in me that needs to be fixed up, relate to my relationship to God. Actually it's the same problem that keep happening to anyone who lives in a shell like I do. I see it as a task (from another upcoming tasks), to see the purity of my faith that previously being stated. I don't know whether I manage to pass or failed. But one thing, I can feel there's a big change in me, both understanding and a degree of faith, that I think it's much better than before. And I'm more contented now.

Though there's so many thing to explain - maybe I will write it in other time - this might reflect what happened to myself. This is a comment I wrote for a new friend, that seem have the same problem as mine. We both are Capricorn which famous as a complicated person.

Seems there's so many thing that messed us up, huh? Those simple thing could be complicated just because we are such people who like to dramatize everything, make it such a movie scenes, and like to poor ourselves to God. Maybe we looked strong to people, but we looked pathetic to God. We know the answer, we got it often, but we prefer not to do it, just because we born as a stubborn human being, who like to insist anything to be like what we want to be. So, the problem is in our heart. The willing to surrender to other Existence, God.

For God's willing, I now can feel an acceptance in me, something that would not be easy if only God doesn't send me out. I'm happy now and relieved. Hope it'd last forever.

Lucky gal

You can call me as a lucky gal !

Yesterday went to Computer and Cellular Exhibition (the last day) at JHCC (Jakarta Hall Convention Center), Senayan, with Mom, Bro, and my nephew, to look for some laptop that I was going to buy...well, actually 'buy' is not the right term, but (insist to) borrow my Dad's cash and pay it back monthly (with 0% interest and long term payment off course! ;)).

After looking at Internet, I was thinking to buy Compaq instead, for a simple reason, affordable. And though it's not the best one, it's a good product. But then, Toshiba's good reputation and clear explanation I got from the sales person, has stolen my attention more. So I changed my mind. It's fine to pay more to get the better, I guess.

So, after looked around to some Toshiba booths, found out the Satellite A60-S330 is the best suit for my needs, called my Dad, plead him to borrow me the money (cause I didn't tell him that I'm going to buy THAT fast!), gave some money I borrowed from Mom for the down-payment (Gosh! what a poor lady with a high needs!), sign the paper, and...this is the most interesting part.

Each buyer will have a chance to get a free stuff from Pocket PC to Polo shirt, buy clicking to an application. I hardly win any game ever, so in this case, it was a nice moment to try my luck. Still I'd get a t-shirt for the worst case. Despite I was not that eager to get the first prize, yet I prayed some words to God, told Him that it might be cool to have a Pocket PC. But then, trying not to be a greedy person, I changed my mind, said that it's fine to get whatever He wants to give. I don't know whether it'd suit my needs, though.

Then, when I clicked the mouse, wait for three secs, the prize is...TOSHIBA POCKET PC E740!!! I GOT THE FIRST PRIZE!!! I GOT THE POCKET PC worths for $480!!! Aaargghhhh!!! GOSH! Alhamdulillah!! Phwiuhh!! Then everybody was clapping, shaking my hand, and enjoy the moment with me. Until now, I couldn't believe that I AM THAT LUCKY! Thanks in zillions, God! What a nice surprise!! Then I went home with a big smile I couldn't hide. Phwiuuhh...